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Baltimore Orioles: Chris Davis Needs a Beef Brisket Offer

By Randy Buchman

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May 27, 2015; Baltimore, MD, USA; Baltimore Orioles outfielder Adam Jones (left) smashes a pie in the face of first baseman Chris Davis (right) after beating the Houston Astros 5-4 at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. Mandatory Credit: Evan Habeeb-USA TODAY Sports

Baltimore Orioles fans who desire Chris Davis to stay in Charm City need to understand that Texans are not nearly as enticed by seafood as by beef.

It has been an interesting week for Orioles fans who wonder what is to become of contract negotiations with former first baseman, the beloved Chris Davis.

While speculation ran high a week ago that the Orioles would not break away from their historic frugality to offer a worthy contract of multi-millions to Crush, the club indeed did put forward a reported package of $150 million over seven years. To press the baseball metaphor, this would surely get them in the ballpark, out of the batter’s box and to first base — which is the goal, after all!

It appears to not be enough, right or wrong. So, now it is time to sweeten the pot. And apparently the Orioles are not going to do that with dollars.

So, what else could work? What else might entice a big guy with big appetites to come to Baltimore? How about what Maryland is most famous for? Crabs!!  “Yeah, that’s the ticket!” said Jon Lovitz.

And here is the offer …

To my friends in Maryland, the Land of Pleasant Living (as said Chuck Thompson so often called it on 60s and 70s O’s broadcasts)… Let me help you out. With Chris Davis, you are not talking about a seafood guy. He’s a Texan. I lived in Dallas for five years and can tell you this about this breed of people: they prefer beef.

If you really want to keep a true Texan, even if he does develop an acquired taste for crab legs, the thing you need to have to sweeten the deal is beef brisket. It is the bread of life for true Texans.

I went to college in Philadelphia and grew up north of there in New Jersey, and I can tell you that you can practically never, ever, anywhere else in America, get a true Philly cheese steak, no matter how genuine some restaurant claims them to be. They always have the wrong sauce and a penchant to put all sorts of extra crap on the steak that is not original. It’s criminal.

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In the same way, you can practically never get true Texas beef brisket outside of the Lone Star State. Maybe there is someplace near Baltimore that is better than my suggestion, but for what it is worth, the only thing I’ve tasted that is close to the real Texas deal is at a Red Hot & Blue restaurant. It is about 90% there to being authentic.

So, if O’s fans want to entice Davis to re-sign here, forget the crab legs, get him free beef brisket for life. That has a better chance of working.

Of course, a city famous for barbeque is St. Louis. And with the Cubs now signing Jason Heyward, the thought is that the Cardinals will turn to Chris Davis. But I don’t know. That is a lot of money from a team not much more conditioned to spend it than the local orange and black. And reports are that their first interest might be Alex Gordon.

Next: Reflecting on the Winter Meetings

Chris Davis really is the elephant in the room. They either need to feed it, wait to hopefully afford to feed it later, or move on to feeding several players, perhaps starting with Justin Upton. Nobody knows how this is going to go down. But maybe someone should find out what cuisine Upton prefers, along with, perhaps, Scott Kazmir.

For those going to FanFest, have a great time and bring back some good news of a great signing. I’m going to be a fair weather fan … literally … and use the mild December day for a 45-mile bike ride.

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