Baltimore Orioles’ Gifts From Santa


Sep 28, 2013; Baltimore, MD, USA; Baltimore Orioles designated hitter Steve Pearce (28) gets a shaving cream pie from Adam Jones (right) after a game against the Boston Red Sox at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. The Orioles defeated the Red Sox 6-5. Mandatory Credit: Joy R. Absalon-USA TODAY Sports

I have a friend who works in the Baltimore hub for UPS, and he gave me an insider’s copy of the list of presents delivered to the Orioles offices in The Warehouse at Camden Yards. The following personnel received the following presents from Santa this year:

Nick Markakis – A Norelco electric razor with instructions about how to avoid looking like a Boston Red Sox player.

Scott Boras – Sent c/o the orioles … a coal order form to use in the event he is not a good boy … with a warning letter from Santa, signed by all the elves.

Nolan Reimold – A rabbits foot dyed orange, a pressed four-leaf clover in a clear baseball card cover, two orange horseshoes, and a wishbone from the Thanksgiving turkey at the North Pole – all to change his luck.

Chris Davis – Real estate brochures from Roland Park and Guilford, so that he can find a great permanent home in Baltimore. Also in the packet was a listing of area Texas Roadhouse locations, along with a coupon from The Baltimore Wire to The Red Hot and Blue Steakhouse at 541 E. Market Street in Leesburg – the only place I’ve found east of Texas (where I’ve lived in the past) to have genuine Texas beef brisket barbeque.

J.J. Hardy – An easy to assemble trophy case from Costco with sliding glass doors in order to display multiple gold glove awards – past and future.

Brian Roberts – (with a note on the box to “please forward”) … A pin-striped black suit from Brooks Brothers since this seems to fit his taste and style these days. (Brooks means something quite different in Baltimore!)

Adam Jones – A year’s supply of Bazooka Bubble Gum, a 24-count case of Barbasol Thick & Rich Shaving Cream, a dozen hand towels, and a spikes dirt remover tool so that he doesn’t need to smack his bat on his toes between every pitch.

Wei-Yin Chen – A Rosetta Stone CD-Rom package of English instruction materials… and an online gift card purchased by Matt Wieters.

Manny Machado – An 18-year supply of Glucosamin Chondroitin from GNC nutrition and a used knee brace from Joe Flacco.

Dan Duquette – a signed copy of the first edition printing of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.

Peter Angelos – A booklet of savings withdrawal slips and personalized checks from M&T Bank.

On behalf of the staff of The Baltimore Wire, best wishes for a wonderful Christmas and holiday season with family and friends.